But today is not my birthday! I’ve got a couple of weeks to go, before I will be….

53! I’m the 23rd, not the 3rd. My husband’s birthday is tomorrow, so he’s before me. For that matter, I think YOUR birthday is before mine, so I hope yours is filled with joy and smiles and being with family and friends and those you love, too!

It’s brought a smile to my face just to hear from you {{{Robin}}}}!!!!!

Thank you so much for your {{{{HUGS}}}} and {{{{SMILES}}}} !!!!!!!

If I am correct, today is SueAnn’ birthday! I think I know how old she is(n’t), but I’ll leave that for her to tell.

I hope you have a terrific day, filled with joy and love and family and friends!

Much love and ((((HUGS!!)))) Robin

Look at it closely…

In order to qualify as a ’sacrifice’, it’s got to hurt. We’ve got to really love it and really value it, otherwise, throwing it away on someone or something else doesn’t count.

It is not a sacrifice for a woman to buy milk for her baby instead of new shoes for herself, UNLESS she is the kind of woman who VALUES the shoes more then her baby.

It is not a sacrifice for a man to die fighting for his freedom, unless he’s the kind of man who would rather live as a slave.

It is not a sacrifice for a woman to throw her life away on a man, unless he has no love of his own to give.

A moral code where the pinnacle of achievement is to hold our own lives as worth no other value then fodder for others. The Ideal, an Identity equal to ZERO.

Smiling…

No thanks!

“Self-less-ness” as a goal and economies dumping ‘worth’ all over the place. I guess there’s a lot of “selfs” feeling worth less, huh?

Maybe someone could write a book called “quantum physics for dummies?”

I reread your comment several times. Each time I read it, I got the same Understanding.

First, it reminded me of a conversation I had with one of my sons one time. He was speaking of his ‘birth’ father, not the man he knows as his ‘dad’.

My son was weeping. His tears were an expression of how much hurt he had felt, in never gaining his ‘father’s’ *coughcough* approval.

And I asked him these questions:

Have you ever known your father to be an accepting kind of person?

Have you ever known him to be a tolerant kind of person?

Have you ever known him to be a generous and understanding kind of person?

In general, is he an approving sort of person to begin with, never mind with whom?

When he extends himself to others, what qualities of character does he extend?

As I asked these questions, he began to think it out for himself. Next thing I did was ask him to take a step back from the relationship for a moment. And asked him:

Why do you seek something he hasn’t got to give? Who is to blame, who is responsible, for the choice of seeking water from a dry hole?

Then it all *clicked* into place.

You mention divorce. Maybe ‘mom’ got fed up with the game? Maybe it’s not so much as dad doesn’t deserve to be loved or isn’t/hasn’t been loved, as it is that he’s got none to extend back.

That’s the creed and the code of self sacrifice. I don’t abide by it myself. I love myself and my own life too much to resign myself to living without being loved and appreciated and all the joys that go with it. I’m not going to negate my life, in order to supposedly ’serve’ anyone else’s.

The Whole is NOT served through the negation of ANY part.

Look at your relationship again. For where ever we see the word ‘blame’, then ‘guilt’ is close by.

I simply ask the question,

why should you feel guilty for having *NO* desire to be around someone who hasn’t treated you with love and respect?

Why?

Look at your desire and see “cause and effect”.

He has given you no CAUSE to feel attracted. So why should *you* feel guilty?

Look at the inner character of the ‘authority’ figure you’ve been trying to please. Look at his choices of values. Look at the life he has lived.

Then ask yourself if in the confines of your own heart, do you choose those same values and do you choose to live the same kind of life?

We reap as we sow.

Seems to me there are many of us who desire to reap a harvest of plenty, without sowing the seeds and cultivating any fields. What do you think?

More important, what does your heart say?

Reading this after two emotional phonecalls with my next of kin. My dad is in rehab since jan after a TIA, with serious aphasia. I visited him regularly, always entering an emotional rollercoaster afterwards. After the most recent visit, I knew that I feel angry about having to give him so much attention now, when he has neglected me – both my true being and my live walking body – so, both during the time we were a family and after the divorce.

I decided I need distance now, for I feel I have given him all I can and more. More than he deserves – here comes the blame part: I blame him for not being more of a nurturing parent to me.

So now, at this moment, I read your post, when I havent visited here in what seems like ages.

And I wonder about the blame. I agree with all you say, but … – how does that affect my decision now? Am I spreading darkness and limitation, when what I want to do is spread light?

I guess I did self-express – not to the patient though, I dont think it would serve him – but to my next of kin – why I feel and act the way I do, now. I expressed a desire to stay in communication about this. And I do feel I have given in this situation, what I can and what was mine to give. Now, I must turn to my own life and family, to do and be what I can.

Printing this out (nice tip, Simon) to read the comments, too.

Thank you Sue, once again, for expressing your views, and thereby strengthening my beliefs.

Love!

{{hugs}}

You bet! The enlightenment process ALWAYS goes hand in hand with disillusionment. It’s the disillusionment part that flubs a lot of us up. We have a lot of emotional and prideful attachments to our illusions most of the time.

Even though our illusions do not serve us, nor have ever served us, they still mean staying in our comfort zones. And we LIKE staying inside our comfort zones.

Things get a LOT easier on us when we realize that growth means being pushed out of our comfort zones and growing is nothing to fear. Facing an “unknown” is a lot different then facing an “unknowable”.

And True, once we realize all we HAVE, then we do not NEED so much.

Greetings!