Things of Value I Carry with Me
Love & Attraction. Obviously, I had issues with what I was and had been, attracting, as far as experiences went. Same ole’ story, over and over and over. And I didn’t especially like it. Enough is as good as a feast, already.
I could understand the magnetism of what I was attracting on a Quantum level but, honestly, what did Love have to do with it?
Then it hit me, I had chosen to Love the lack of it. Of all things, me, blindsided when it came to Values. That’s when I became the proverbial bull in a china shop. The china shop being the Values I had been serving. That I was now mindless in rattling as my inner life came crashing down, as insubstantial as a house of cards.
One time later in my story my Husband suggested I give away my secret formula for miracles. Just charge a hell of a lot for postage and handling. I disregarded his statement about postage and handling, knowing he was just being a rascal. But his statement that I had a secret formula puzzled me. I didn’t know I knew a formula, secret or otherwise, for miracles.
Then he quoted my own words back to me.
“Values I carry with me where ever I go.”
Oh, I thought, that formula. ‘That’s a formula?’, I asked him, somewhat thrown off by the utter blatancy that had escaped me, unnoticed. Him, being him, just let me chew on it for a while, letting me digest what he had said. It required I take a trip down memory lane, to when I first asked myself to make a list of:
Values I carry with me wherever I go.
I remembered my list. I also remembered how insecure a person I was when I made it.
I listed things like:
Money
Checkbook
Credit card
Debit card
Safety deposit box key. (which held a whole ‘nother list)
The next question I asked myself was, ‘how much time did I spend absorbed with these things?’
Stark realization began to sink in. I spent a LOT of time focused on these things, protecting these things and, trying to accumulate more. Why, my feelings of worth and security, were tied to these and other, things.
Things I could get using various means. I never did resort to outright thievery. I learned about working for what I desired. I also learned how to cajole and manipulate through guilt. Blaming other people for how I felt and, doing my best to try to make them feel guilty for me feeling that ‘not happy’ way. Among the things that I counted on the most, was getting other people to agree with me.
I looked at my list. Things I could get.
Things that not only could be got, but could also be taken. Which led me face to face with one of my greatest fears. Loss. Loss of the things and loss of the ability to get more.
A panorama of my life opened up before me. It almost made me nauseous.
I could get alright. But in that getting, I never did have. I had spent countless moments pursuing objects of my affection, that once acquired, never had led to any firm or secure sense of anything. Worth or loved. What I had created instead, was a solid sense of being able to acquire and to fight to keep.
And it took a lot of effort.
Being Honest with mySelf, I’m like a train to get moving. I gather momentum as I go. That makes it easy to plough through barricades in my way without any extra effort. I asked my momentous Self what was the purpose of all this revving of engines if I never arrived at a destination? Perpetual motion was exhausting. Especially when it took everything I got, to keep going. Aha! Give and take…equals a net of zero.
I finally grasped it.
My previous list had been a list of things I could get. Had got. And showed my potential for getting even more.
Look at me! I’m a go-getter. Barreling down the tracks.
With my one track mind fueled by all my insecurities.
My inner world reeled as I came to a complete stop in my thinking. That‘s when my life started to resemble a train wreck as far as appearances went.
‘Things of Value I carry with me where ever I go.’
Where had I invested my sense of worth?
OUTSIDE of myself, that’s where. In things. In Objects. In achievements. I saw where this train of thought had led. To an endless series of competitions as a racing rat of an engine. How cheesy.
Oh, by all appearances I certainly wouldn’t have been considered even close to poor, yet, it was all a screen. A fake store front. It provided an appearance of a person of worth. I say ‘fake’ simply because inside my own heart, where it counted, I knew I wasn’t secure. Everything I got, could be taken.
Worse, even if I managed to ‘keep’ whatever I ‘got’, no matter how durable the good, it eventually would return to dust. Even plastic was biodegradable in lava. Depreciation, depletion, amortization, erosion, devaluation, attrition, everywhere I looked was subject to outside influences. Especially time.
Staking my worth and sense of security on anything like this was risky. I’d have to be pretty tricky and inventive to be able to control all these possible outside influences. Even if I somehow managed the ludicrous idea of becoming Heap Big Chief in charge, controlling ’time’ was going to be somewhat of a challenge.
There’s got to be something else, my Intuition told me. I just sensed it. So I asked myself the question again.
‘What Values do I carry with me where ever I go?’
And it was in asking again, that I finally Understood. ‘Getting’ and ‘having’ are different experiences.
What were the qualities of my character? What was inside my Heart? And I began taking an inner inventory this time. An inventory of qualities of character I could call upon at any moment’s notice. Any Where. Any When. Values of a Timeless sort of nature. Understanding, Acceptance, Tolerance, Patience, Compassion, Wisdom and, Forgiveness.
‘They were all there‘, I sighed to myself with a sense of relief. Some in greater supply then others, especially Patience and Trust but, all were there. I Had. I realized I also Had all the Freedom in Life, to Have more. Anytime I desired. Completely independent of anything and anyone else.
Ever since then I’ve lived with a Secure sense of Worth.
Secure in knowing Love is very Attractive.
Especially when it’s what we Have.
Sue Ann Edwards
CordieB
Mark
September 20th, 2008 - 7:53 am
Why do I suspect that when my mind or ego is silent or empty, I in fact have more?
September 20th, 2008 - 2:57 pm
{{{{Hugs SE}}}}
There is a saying that “still waters run deep”. In my journey, I had to go deep, within myself, to find them.
It’s when we shut down or shut out the chatter of our outer directed activity and focus, even for but a moment, that we become aware of another sort of ’signal’ so to speak. Like shutting out background static, so we can hear the dialogue of the movie we’re trying to watch.
The more we start listening with our inner ears, the more we understand how many ’sounds are in that silence’. Sonar, instead of our usual radar, maybe?
Swimming through our inner waters to reach that Stillness, means delving into depths of Understanding.
We are in a state of transition right now. What we are witnessing is only and merely dis-illusionment. Which is a *good* thing. It often happens when Truth shows up. And the reason why “the truth often hurts”. But it also sets us FREE!
Every form or structure that we have created using an ‘old’ energy pattern of consciousness, is dissolving, is disappearing, right before our eyes.
“The end of the world as we knew it”, has begun to take shape.
But it doesn’t mean we have anything to fear. Because what is rising up to take its place is more spectacular and wondrous then most of us can even imagine.
My Vision keeps seeing the effects, uhhh, errr, umm…like a baby’s water breaking as it is ready to be born. Whatever we see that maybe looks like it’s breaking or cracking up, is part of that world that kept the baby alive to reach this day of its birth. The important part is that the baby is being born!
Humpty Dumpty Humanity. Don’t mourn over broken shell, or worry about being laid, celebrate being hatched!
There is a *new* pattern of energy of consciousness, that is now in the process of manifesting into creation, too. The idea of “Cooperation” is now the pattern of our World’s matrix, so to speak. However we got here, we’re *here*.
Now it means corrections can be made and steps taken to insure a stewardship in regards to the use of the Public’s fund’s and a guardianship invested to maintain the Value of the People’s ‘money supply’, which can only be defined as a unit for trading Value. These units being easier to trade and make change in, then are sheep and goats.
In the late 70’s an economic attitude crept into our Society. It was one of “borrow as much as you can and buy as much as you can with it now, because the dollars would be worth less tomorrow, when the time came to pay it all back”.
~tada~
An Economic Model based on future Worthlessness. Like a balloon whose only future is to someday pop.
In Finance it was known as “the future Value of 1″. Was the “1″ today going to be worth more or less then “1″ tomorrow?
Little did the Financiers ’see’, that “the future Value of 1″, would be based upon a Future Value System of One-ness. “1″ based upon the pattern of Spiritual Unity and, Value is not attached to physical adornments of aggrandizement or in appearances not backed up by substance.
September 20th, 2008 - 4:38 pm
Sue:
I believe there is a transition afloat. I believe it is compressing time as we once knew it to be. I think we are awakening to the malleable qualities of what we once called time.
I pray now for a grand awakening for all. I want everyone to benefit.
I pray for a new consciousness and there are moments when I hear or sense the promised whispers of it.
S.E.
September 21st, 2008 - 4:11 pm
Hi Sue Ann – Thanks for responding to my comments on your last two posts! In one of those responses you talked about this now being a matter of *knowing* rather than faith, and Surface Earth’s comment here reminds me of that. For you it is *knowing*, for SE and me it is ‘promised whispers’, whispers which my mind finds it hard to really believe.
The current financial crisis is helping to shift entrenched attitudes however, showing that it is indeed possible for that great big security blanket called capitalism to come crashing down around us. And if it does – which it still might – we will be *forced* to seek elsewhere for security. Will it take such a ‘catastrophe’ for us to see sense, I wonder?
I wonder about blame too. You mention the tendency you had to blame others. For all the changes I’ve made, that blaming thing still rises up in me at the slightest opportunity, gleefully seizing the opportunity to blame other people – usually Chris, who is closest to hand! – for whatever slight inconvenience has just been visited upon me. I wonder why the need to blame is so strong – and how to overcome it?
September 21st, 2008 - 8:32 pm
Ohhh {{{Simon}}}…..!!!!
You just have a way about you that tickles me every time. {thank you}
*this* time you got me on the mention of “capitalism”. That’s a big Hoho for me.
“Capitalism” is based on “capital”. Where what we’ve had going on, has been based upon “credit”. Credit is not the same as “capital”. One is realized where the other is simply a potential.
It’s only when we’re living divorced from Reality that we could possibly confuse the two.
Capital is a result, a by-product of wise and effective decision making. Credit, on the other hand, is nothing more then a way to manipulate demand, destroying the Integrity of any market or economy, since supply is in turn manipulated, to follow along the lines of the falsified demand.
Only those who meet conditions, are rewarded access to buying power, which in turn, rules the market. (One of my jobs was as a credit authorizer. I know how those applications are scored.)
The whole economy has been built upon “credit”, not “capital. “Wanting”, not “having”. “Appearances”, not “substance”.
It’s all a creation of Self Denial and religious beliefs in self-less-ness. The more I devalue my own life, the less the energy of my life will be worth or amount to. By the direction of my own Will in choosing “self-less-ness” as a Value.
I’ve asked the question before of: what is the Value of any value system that values a LACK of it? That question spoke VOLUMES about what is beginning to come down.
Conditional Love is LACKING in Love. So is Selflessness and Self Sacrifice. And “to love” means “to value”. Like I said, what’s the value of any value system with no valuing in it? And what’s happening right now, is a creation, a manifestation, on a collective level, of all our idiotic and unloving beliefs in self denial.
We haven’t been addressing our inner issues, our psychological issues of security and worth. Instead, we’ve been on a scavenger hunt looking for physical placebos and trying to force physical conditions into what we feel psychologically able to cope with.
I *knew* in 1991 that *this* shift was coming. I also knew when GW Bush was campaigning he was nothing more then a sniveling little liar of a neurotic. Everything he always blamed on someone else, like being ‘evil’, I *knew* he was speaking about himself.
Let’s talk about his dear ole’ dad, why don’t we? The ex head of the CIA. I NEVER, not once, made the mistake of thinking the ole’ SOB had any Value for Truth or Honesty. Duh. We can’t Value Truth and Honesty and engage in activities of a secret or subversive nature. So let me see, that is NO Integrity and NO Honesty and this was the parental role model for the sniveling neurotic elected.
We’ve been living in Denial and like the proverbial ostrich which buries its head in the sand, Reality shows up to kick us in the you-know-where. And one of the biggest things we’ve been in denial about, is that our goal justifies the means we use, when it is the actual means, that creates the goal we end up reaching.
Stripping away our appearances and looking within ourselves, for genuine substance of character, would have revealed we were bankrupt a long time ago. Now that those appearances cannot be maintained, inspiration and motivation for looking within has been created.
Like I’ve said….we’re being herded, all of us. Spirit is bringing into our lives whatever experiences or circumstances are needed in order for us to be motivated into taking care of our lacks and deficits in substance and quality of character.
I know, I know, it’s hard for you to believe much less *know*. But I say to you that you DO *know* now. Right now. You simply don’t know you know.
And it’s the ‘victim’ programming that is your biggest blockage. That’s where our “blaming” comes into play. I *know* how much you resist letting go of our “victimization” ideas. Again, it’s programming. But we can’t BOTH be a victim and be a Creator at the same time. The ideas are in conflict.
Maybe pondering the concept of “patronizing” might help? You know what I mean…surrendering our decision making over to OUTSIDE *coughcough* “authorities”. Like the Pope, or the Dali Llama. Tell me, do EITHER one of them express ANY Wisdom related to HOW we CREATE our own Realities? Or do they both just whine about all the poor victims in the world?
September 21st, 2008 - 11:23 pm
Ohhh {{{SE}}}} !!!!
Just since I’ve known you and it hasn’t been that long at all…you’ve been shifting through one awakening after another!!!! Clickety-clack, clickety clack, your veils have been dropping one after another.
And it’s not just *you*. It’s happening ALL over.
and the whispers, well, you know what effect *whispering* has on us. We intensify our concentration and listening skills because you know the way we are…pssst….I’ve got secret… then we’re ALL ears!
{{{hugs}}}
Transition, that’s what we’re going through and there is nothing to fear.
September 23rd, 2008 - 2:15 pm
Sue Ann,
When I read what you’ve written here about credit vs. capital, wanting to get but never having, blaming others for one’s own inner state, it all speaks to me of the ego. These all feel like the ego’s hallmarks of operation – that sense of never being or having enough, always fighting to get more, victim attitudes, conditional loving, etc.
This hits home for me significantly in that a number of the issues Spirit has had me looking at and working on within my Self (e.g., not looking outside my Self for what I need, not comparing my Self with others, turning inward whenever I experience the feeling of being upset or angry to find answers instead of looking for the source of my emotions outside in others and/or their actions) all feel like they’re just pieces of the same puzzle. And I’ve just been filled with this sense of knowing that if I tend to all these issues inside me, then what is outside me will be different. Like, I create within my Self and the outer shifts to reflect the inner. Or perhaps it will be as Proust says – “the real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new landscapes but in having new eyes.” I hope this has made a little sense at least – I’m still grappling with the language of it all.
September 24th, 2008 - 12:32 pm
“And I’ve just been filled with this sense of knowing that if I tend to all these issues inside me, then what is outside me will be different. Like, I create within my Self and the outer shifts to reflect the inner. Or perhaps it will be as Proust says – “the real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new landscapes but in having new eyes.” I hope this has made a little sense at least – I’m still grappling with the language of it all”
WOW!
Grapple away because I understood everything you shared!
You are seeing through your new eyes already!
And have found the key to Creation. What you have expressed is an inner Understanding of both the Law of Attraction and the Law of Correspondences.
“The outside is a reflection of the inside”.
Which means if we change what’s inside, then the outside morphs to correspond to it.
Over the past 12 years many changes have been made concerning our issues of beliefs and philosophies. 12 years ago one of my friends who is a “psychic channel” would be shunned if she said what she did. *Now* she’s overwhelmed with attention and requests.
12 years before that, changes started happening concerning our issues with sex. Everyone started coming out of the closet.
We’re going into another 12 year cycle of change and transformation now. This time the area is business and banking.
Just as how we think about sex transformed and how we think about philosophy and religion transformed, so will how we think about business and banking transform over the next 12 years, too.
If I was a farmer and had carefully tended a field, sowing seeds of “not enough”, then I would receive a harvest of “not enough” showing up as a result. MOST of us have been sowing seeds of ‘not enough’, like casting bread upon the waters, and now our harvest of ‘not enough’ is coming in.
If we address our inner issues of worth, then we would discover we do not need so much ‘wealth’. When I HAVE, there is no desire or motivation to GET.
As for what you called our ‘ego’, I’d say yes. This is coming from the aspect of ourselves that believes in separation, as in being separate from God. It is what I call our false Identity…the one that was made, not the Identity we were Created to be.
Child of man and a child of god at the same time…the relationship that defines the essential duality of Man. The mess we made comes from seeing things through the eyes of being a child of man and the way to clean up our mess is for us to start seeing things through the eyes of being a child of god.
Healing is the reconciliation of the two brothers, a Divine Marriage in Identity. When I started out, I was a ‘human’ looking for a spiritual experience and now…
well, I *know* beyond a shadow of doubt, that I Am Spirit, having the most intimate love affair with Life possible, as a human.
You have given me a wonderful gift! Because you *know*!!!!!!
I don’t feel so lonely now, with others like yourself awakening, too!
Thank You!!!!
{{{{hugs}}}}
September 24th, 2008 - 1:00 pm
Whoo hoo!! Big hugs back to you, lady! And I thank you as well – reading your writing has helped me put these pieces together in this transformation. Like attracts like, no?
As soon as I started realizing this, I felt this incredible sense of peace, joy, and empowerment – not the kind of power that may be viewed as negative, more like ability. Ability to create and recreate my Self, or really recognize my Divine essence and wholeness and thus recreate the world around me through me.
Yes, you are exactly right in your interpretation of how I used the word ego – it is the same as the false identity. The ego (false identity) is all about separation and Awareness/Consciousness/the I Am that we all are is the other piece.
Oh I Am filled with wonderful, joyous, exuberance!
September 24th, 2008 - 10:50 pm
“Houston, we have contact.”
“One small step for man, one giant leap for Humanity.”
Smiling and waving!
September 26th, 2008 - 12:43 pm
Thanks for your help, Sue Ann! I think you’re finally getting through to me about this ‘outside reflects the inside’ business.
Just at the moment, it’s like my ego’s going crazy. Whenever anything in life, the slightest thing, doesn’t go according to plan, I’m feeling extreme anger and unease rising inside me. I’m observing this emotion rather then getting swept up in it (most of the time!) but the force of it is very powerful.
Just now, I was describing one such incident to Chris, talking about the various feelings in me which it seemed to tweak, and just the talking about it seems to have released the negative energy. I’m feeling at peace again now. I wonder if you can suggest why that might have happened? Was it because the conversation gave me some understanding of why I was feeling what I was feeling or was it because I gave voice to the way I felt?
September 26th, 2008 - 7:52 pm
It was both {{Simon}} The important part was your LACK of Denial. And if it’s one thing ‘good’ to be lacking in, that’s it.
You embraced yourself and loved yourself enough to listen to yourself.
What’s rising up and the intensity of it, are feelings of being threatened because by appearances, we’ve lost control. And much of our feelings of security have been founded on, being in control.
Remember…I said ‘herded’. Whatever we need to experience, in order to let go of our material attachments, is what I said has been happening for quite some time, little by little.
Leading up to now, when all creations and energy systems founded on *old* energy of Conditional Love and therefore, BASED on “insecurity”, are collapsing.
Ooooooooe…months ago I described the magician’s trick of pulling the tablecloth out from underneath the dishes. Remember?
The dishes are only momentarily upset, before they settled on the SOLID structure, that had always been underneath all the time.
I hope Chris won’t mind if I say to you that you’re quite a dish!
These shifts are about loving ourselves more. Respecting ourselves more. Investing in ourselves more.
When you stopped and looked, then you found what you had been seeking didn’t you? The POWER to rise above it.
You Created “Harmony Through Conflict”.
And the Resolution you reached is one that has permanent effects, especially in the areas of Self Realization and Self Recognition.
Bless you Dear. I have had a long day. I’ve been doing what I do best. I posted a post of mine on a ‘private’ board of people that resulted in over 500 views and 50 comments in one day.
I moved a lot of energy for them, was able to deliver the energy of shifting their consciousness. And not everyone was pleased, if ya’ know what I mean?
Realizing we are the ones that are the creators over our emotions is a BIG PILL to swallow, when so much of the foundation of our life has been on denying this responsibility.
But only those of us that are Self Nurtured, have the Courage to face all the Judgments and Condemnations that are thrown our way. The importance is aiding the shifts.
If I didn’t refuse to claim any responsibility for however others feel, then other people would never know of their own creative power over their own reality. It would be impossible for me to Inspire “Self Realization”.
And that is my Joy as well as my Service.
{{{{hugs}}}}
October 1st, 2008 - 2:18 pm
Thanks for this, Sue Ann! Hugs to you too…
I was wondering where you’d got to. Now I know – you’ve been casting light elsewhere!
October 1st, 2008 - 5:07 pm
~chuckling~
That’s me all over the place!
I was asked to go to this particular board by a long time friend, who has been a member of it since it began.
You know me, I brought in the energies that triggered a lot of shifting, so then the group could proceed to find resolution to some issues of conflict they have been having.
Did my *job* and then left.
‘MY’ head centers are all opening up MORE and integrating all the way down to my solar plexus. Whenever this happens, I get what appears like a head cold, as density is released through all my ‘energetic bodies’. So I’ve been blowing my nose and coughing, too, as the yuk drips down the back of my throat. Trying to take it *easy*.
Right now, I’m enjoying a rum toddy.
But I’ve an idea that a post is coming forth. There are sure are a lot of us going ~bonkers~ with this cycle we’re in now. Emotions are going to build to fireworks proportions by the end of this week but everything that is going on, is going on because energy is seeking resolution. And by the 15th of this month, we will have found it.
{{{{hugs}}}}
November 2nd, 2009 - 11:18 am
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