The key to the outside

Lies inside.

The secret it unlocks is

There is no outside.

The Will of Creation

Is expressing the inside

Out.

It’s been over a decade since I first read those words.

I was an outside in person back then. I looked to taking in as much of the outside as I could. To make up for the lack I felt inside. Little did I realize I was expressing my inside, out. “I’m lacking, I’m lacking, so I have to have”.

So my relationships were always battles to see who was going to ‘have’ and who was going to ‘have not’. Give and take. If you don’t give, I will take. Or do my best to try.

Now I’m an inside out person. It feels a lot different. I am secure in what I Have on my insides. I know I Have it!

And what I Have, I can never lose.

And when it comes to expressing my insides out now…it’s

“I have, I have, so where can I give?”

From {{Grace}} :

“I guess this could be a Meme of sorts, if anyone is interested in answering this question themselves. Anyway, here are my notes:

What My Soul Wants                      What My Ego Wants

Peace                                                        To have things “My Way”

Creative Expression                                   Perfectionism and recognition

Love                                                         Attention and praise

Community                                                To be liked and ‘wanted’

Harmony                                                   To be “special”

Awareness                                                Knowledge

Well-being                                                Attractiveness, youthfulness

Abundance                                               Things that make me feel good/safe

Communion With God                              Protection. Worthiness.  Assurance “Im OK”

Purpose                                                    Importance

Inspiration                                                 Excitement

Joy                                                            Pleasure

What I found when I asked myself those same questions, was that it was because I felt a lack in my Soul’s desires…that I desired the other. Once I re-directed my attention to cultivating fields of one, the other took care of itself.

While many of us have written and questioned about the Law of Attraction, very few have ever explained that it is a power of our Soul’s and not our Personality’s.

Here’s the “why?” I found…

“I Have

Things of Value I Carry with Me

The Law of Love & Attraction. Obviously, I had issues with what I was and had been, attracting, as far as experiences went. Same ole’ story, over and over and over. And I didn’t especially like it. Enough is as good as a feast, already.

I could understand the magnetism of what I was attracting on a Quantum level but, honestly, what did Love have to do with it?

Then it hit me, I had chosen to Love the lack of it. Of all things, me, blindsided when it came to Values. That’s when I became the proverbial bull in a china shop. The china shop being the Values I had been serving. That I was now mindless in rattling as my inner life came crashing down, as insubstantial as a house of cards.

One time later in my story my Husband suggested I give away my secret formula for miracles. Just charge a hell of a lot for postage and handling. I disregarded his statement about postage and handling, knowing he was just being a rascal. But his statement that I had a secret formula puzzled me. I didn’t know I knew a formula, secret or otherwise, for miracles.

Then he quoted my own words back to me.

“Values I carry with me where ever I go.”

Oh, I thought, that formula. ‘That’s a formula?’, I asked him, somewhat thrown off by the utter blatancy that had escaped me, unnoticed. Him, being him, just let me chew on it for a while, letting me digest what he had said. It required I take a trip down memory lane, to when I first asked myself to make a list of:

Values I carry with me where ever I go.

I remembered my list. I also remembered how insecure a person I was when I made it.

I listed things like:

Money

Credit card

Debit card

Safety deposit box key. (which held a whole ‘nother list)

The next question I asked myself was, ‘how much time did I spend absorbed with these things?’

Stark realization began to sink in. I spent a LOT of time focused on these things, protecting these things and, trying to accumulate more. Why, my feelings of worth and security, were tied to these and other, things.

Things I could get using various means. I never did resort to outright thievery. I learned about working for what I desired. I also learned how to cajole and manipulate through guilt. Blaming other people for how I felt and, doing my best to try to make them feel guilty for me feeling that ‘not happy’ way. Among the things that I counted on the most, was getting other people to agree with me.

I looked at my list. Things I could get.

Things that not only could be got, but could also be taken. Which led me face to face with one of my greatest fears. Loss. Loss of the things and loss of the ability to get more.

A panorama of my life opened up before me. It almost made me nauseous.

I could get alright. But in that getting, I never did have. I had spent countless moments pursuing objects of my affection, that once acquired, never had led to any firm or secure sense of anything. Worth or loved. What I had created instead, was a solid sense of being able to acquire and to fight to keep.

And it took a lot of effort.

Being Honest with mySelf, I’m like a train to get moving. I gather momentum as I go. That makes it easy to plough through barricades in my way without any extra effort. I asked my momentous Self what was the purpose of all this revving of engines if I never arrived at a destination? Perpetual motion was exhausting. Especially when it took everything I got, to keep going. Aha! Give and take…equals a net of zero.

I finally grasped it.

My previous list had been a list of things I could get. Had got. And showed my potential for getting even more.

Look at me! I’m a go-getter. Barreling down the tracks.

With my one track mind fueled by all my insecurities.

My inner world reeled as I came to a complete stop in my thinking. That‘s when my life started to resemble a train wreck as far as appearances went.

‘Things of Value I carry with me where ever I go.’

Where had I invested my sense of worth?

OUTSIDE of myself, that’s where. In things. In Objects. In achievements. I saw where this train of thought had led. To an endless series of competitions as a racing rat of an engine. How cheesy.

Oh, by all appearances I certainly wouldn’t have been considered even close to poor, yet, it was all a screen. A fake store front. It provided an appearance of a person of worth. I say ‘fake’ simply because inside my own heart, where it counted, I knew I wasn’t secure. Everything I got, could be taken.

Worse, even if I managed to ‘keep’ whatever I ‘got’, no matter how durable the good, it eventually would return to dust. Even plastic was biodegradable in lava. Depreciation, depletion, amortization, erosion, devaluation, attrition, everywhere I looked was subject to outside influences. Especially time.

Staking my worth and sense of security on anything like this was risky. I’d have to be pretty tricky and inventive to be able to control all these possible outside influences. Even if I somehow managed the ludicrous idea of becoming Heap Big Chief in charge, controlling ’time’ was going to be somewhat of a challenge.

There’s got to be something else, my Intuition told me. I just sensed it. So I asked myself the question again.

‘What Values do I carry with me where ever I go?’

And it was in asking again, that I finally Understood. ‘Getting’ and ‘having’ are different experiences.

What were the qualities of my character? What was inside my Heart? And I began taking an inner inventory this time. An inventory of qualities of character I could call upon at any moment’s notice. Any Where. Any When. Values of a Timeless sort of nature. Understanding, Acceptance, Tolerance, Patience, Compassion, Wisdom and, Forgiveness.

‘They were all there‘, I sighed to myself with a sense of relief. Some in greater supply then others, especially Patience and Trust but, all were there. I Had. I realized I also Had all the Freedom in Life, to Have more. Anytime I desired. Completely independent of anything and anyone else.

Ever since then I’ve lived with a Secure sense of Worth.

Secure in knowing Love is very Attractive.

…here’s winking at ya’ {{Grace}}}

I remember Momma holding me in her arms, while gently swinging on a swing set in our backyard. I remember the warmth of the sun, the scent of her freshness from the soap she had used and the soothing tones of her voice.

I remember taking evening walks holding Momma’s hand, talking of angels and enjoying the beauty of the sunsets.

I remember riding on Daddy’s shoulders, secure in the foundation he provided for me, in giving me a lift up to see the world.

I remember sharing Daddy’s joy, when he experienced the confirmation of his prayers of faith, as he sat in his hospital bed and heard the news he had only 6 months left to live. Daddy had always prayed to know ahead of time and to depart before Momma.

I remember giggles of glee from my young son, as he sat on my lap and we slid thumpty thump thump down the stairs.

I remember the look of absolute love, adoration and gratitude on my husband’s face as I handed him our newborn daughter.

I remember holding my daughter in my arms as I gently rocked her back forth in our big rocking chair.

I remember having a skittles eating contest with my kids, seeing how many we could jam into our mouths and chew at a time.

I remember my daughter and I both looking like ghosts from our flour fight in the kitchen.

I remember the feel and the smell of the rich earth when I planted seeds in my garden.

I remember the feel of the breeze on my skin.

I remember the feel of raindrops splashing on me in the middle of a spring shower and the freshness in the air after it was over.

All of these moments are within me, wherever I go and whatever I do.

What if…

Eternity is made up of an Infinite number of such Everlasting moments?

There’s a lot of hub-bub going on right now because of things Obama’s Minister has said.

While I do not agree with the resonance of anger and venom, I do say his Minister is correct on at least one point.

Our government has been sponsoring terrorists for years. It’s what our military does. Over and over and over again.

It’s also what the FBI and the CIA and the ATF and ALL sheriff and police departments do every day.

Use fear to force compliance.

And anyone of us who uses fear to force our perspective on any other, is a TERRORIST, too.

So yes, 9-11 was our chickens coming to roost at our door. Just like a lot of other activity that’s been going on. Like our economy going towards the toilet.  We reap as we sow.  It is called JUSTICE.

And it’s going to continue and accelerate until such time as we claim responsibility and accountability for our terrorizing other nations and people’s on the planet. Liberty is not about conformity.

I say that if we look around and fear our World, it’s because of what we know in our hearts that we have done to it.

ALL “karma” will be balanced. One way or another.

There are many ways to die.

And there are many ways to lose everything we’ve got.

But I guess that’s just what comes from worshiping a god that’s a terrorist, too. One that uses fear to force compliance. One that is so lacking in ANY spiritual substance of character as to be totally unlovable. Unless of course, we love being afraid.

Every time a Child of God expresses a Judgment, the Universe hears a Child of God expressing they are lacking.

Lacking in Understanding.

Lacking in Acceptance.

Lacking in Tolerance.

Lacking in Patience.

So the Universe responds by creating situations where these qualities can be drawn forth from within us. So we won’t feel ourselves lacking any more. For a Child of God has full inheritance of the Kingdom.

It is no great feat to Accept the Acceptable, Tolerate the Tolerable or Understand the Understood. But to go beyond those limits, requires the expression of the Divinity within us and in so doing, leads to our Self recognition and Self realization.

So next time you think a judgment or say a judgment remember…

you’ve just called into existence whatever it is you’ve just judged.

and it will keep coming into existence so long as it is being qualified negatively.