A friend and I were having a discussion this morning. We were talking about how some of us misunderstand nurturing. We’re smothers rather then mothers. We seek to protect our young from anything and everything ‘bad’ in the world.
Now, I certainly don’t consider anything ‘wrong’ with being stewards of our children’s survival, until they reach an age they can do for themselves. Where smothering comes in, is when our children have been so protected from the ‘evil’ of the world, that they don’t have a clue as to how to relate and survive, themselves, in it.
I said imagine a mother bird, who brings everything her baby bird needs to their nest, a comfy place she created. ‘Oh no, you don’t want to leave the nest. There are dangers out there. A hawk could get you or a cat pounce on you. The outside world is a place to be afraid of.” So the baby birds get fat. Their wings atrophy. And no matter how much stuff momma bird continues to bring to their nest, to keep her babies attention occupied, it never is enough.
She eventually wears herself out, eating and regergitating everything for her babies, who are now fully grown. She dies. And all her children die.
Without ever mating.
without ever having any children of their own.
without ever learning how to fly.
and without ever experiencing the joys of their own nature.
The ways of a dodo.
It is far wiser to teach our children the ways of the world, ALL of them and, teach how to relate to them, deal with them and cope with them.
Then the world isn’t such a scarey place and our children can experience soaring in it.
CordieB
michael j contos
Liara Covert
Mark
Sue Ann Edwards
December 18th, 2007 - 2:41 pm
Enjoyed reading this post. With the deluge of bad news that seems to readily pour into our living rooms, this approach to parenting is very easy to succumb to. However, it always fails to produce healthy children and moms…for that matter.
December 18th, 2007 - 3:10 pm
Thank you for stopping by and adding your life to my blog {{laudu}}
Hugs to you!
Maybe the reason it keeps pouring in is because we have not dealt with it? How do we grow inner character? Maybe it’s this character development that has been neglected and that’s why we keep seeing its lack in our faces all the time? To make us aware of it?
I speak of emotional coping skills and, the lack of them that we have been fostering in our young.
As a Mother, I faced the issue of ‘security’ related to my children and decided that teaching them that they COULD think and HOW, instead of WHAT, I could go to my grave feeling secure, that my children knew how to walk in the world without fear of their capacity to cope with whatever the world brought to their doorsteps.
They can soar the world and bring back bits and pieces to me, enriching the nest for all of us.
December 20th, 2007 - 2:11 am
i heartily agree; a child cannot come to know independence without having a healthy amount of independence. what amount is healthy, however, is hard to find. i noticed that most of my friends who’ve been suppressed during their high school years were the ones to go “crazy” in college, which says something about not giving children enough freedom. anyway, i loved this post and hope to stay in touch with you on the blogosphere!
December 20th, 2007 - 12:17 pm
Hi {{gale}} !!! Oh, how I got a chuckle from your comment. THANK YOU!
It reminded me of the ‘old’ saying about it’s always the preacher’s daughter you can count on being the wildest.
I really do think it’s about balance and being well balanced. I was shocked the day I met a mother who described her child as a blackboard to write upon. It made me cringe inside.
Everything will seek balance. Like magma in volcanoes…what’s been repressed and supressed always blows some day. It can either come out a little at a time or in big ways but it will always find its way to the surface.
Just like you’ve said without knowing any independence, we do not know how to carry the responsibilities of it. We do not know ‘moderation’ or the ‘temperance’ that might have come if we had been exposed a little at a time. I guess it’s like our immune systems. There is a difference between being inoculated and getting the flu itself. Either way we get a taste of the disease, it’s just the way we get it that differs.
We are accustomed to thinking only of the freedom to pursue our desires, not in terms of the costs and consequences of those desires. We do not realize that which each choice, come results. We have not learned how to play with the fire of our own life, since for most of it we’ve been told not to play with fire at all.
November 2nd, 2009 - 12:51 pm
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