things are not always as they appear!!!!!!!

Especially as it concerns ‘things’ happening in our lives over the summer and now, going into the Harvest Moon. The ‘flow’ is directing us to look deep, into our intuitive levels. There is/are transformations rising from that level. That have already been activated and triggered.

Look to understanding your ‘field of growth’ for the past 9 years. This experience ends just as soon as we recognize the pull of our ‘new field of growth’. A sense of inner completion rises with the Full Moon. We stand before a harvested field, our old environment is waning and our new direction emerges as our crops are brought to harvest.

Our crops take us into our new direction.Be at Peace with your field of growth, your crops and your sense of completion at this time.OK, so you don’t exactly understand what attracted getting bitten by a dog to you but, as you said, you received excellent care, a comfortable place to rest and yummy food. Turns out that the dog has been harmful to others besides you, including children. But nothing had been done to stop it, or illuminate the situation, transform it, until YOU showed up.

Way to go, Bro!

Oh yeah, you can guess how initially pleased I felt about myself when my toe started turning purple. I’ve had limbs turn color before. And it’s a real nightmare as pieces of yourself start dying while still attached. It simply adds spice to our stewing, to know we ‘created it’.

Well…in my story different pieces are emerging. Different pieces about how emergency medics aren’t suppose to tell people who have called them, that they’re just going to be left sitting in the waiting room at the hospital anyway, so there’s no use in going. Different pieces about emergency rooms releasing people in emergency conditions, instead of dealing with the emergency. And ALL these pieces are emerging in the awareness of my community because of me.

It’s all my fault.

Now, I’m not a squealer…it’s simply a lot of people know me and love me and it’s a small town. I simply rolled along with the flow, knowing fully well, I was on the road to being made fully well. It’s other people that got pissed. I didn’t ever complain. But other people sure did. So now, changes are being made that will end up helping all the people in this community.

As for my toe and leg…it’s well now and healing nicely. What my primary caregiver called ‘a medical miracle’. For it really wasn’t too long ago, that this sort of thing ended in amputation and it would have been my whole leg.

Many times we ‘pray’ for miracles but we pray with an attitude of seeing our world and all the people in it, as separate from God. So we don’t recognize those ‘miracles’ when they come delivered by human hands and hearts. But ‘miracles’ they are, just the same.

I imagined loving myself and my body, sending waves of gratitude to every cell in my body for supporting me in my choices, ignorant and unloving though that may have been…and the next thing that happens is my toe turns purple. Makes me wonder how long I had been a walking around with little time bombs inside of me. Any one of which could have knocked me out, permanently and rather quickly, from any further self expression.

Which is NOT exactly what I have had in mind to create for myself to experience.

Not what I’ve had in my Mind and Heart for well OVER the past 9 years. That’s the way it is sometimes with our soul’s and spirit’s passion, it may burn for decades before it comes to fruition. That’s often how we come to know and realize it IS our Soul’s and Spirit’s Passion because, regardless of ‘setbacks’ and ‘challenges’, our Passion still burns.

So it is with a completely open mind and heart that I return again to surgery. Yes, it is the ‘news’ I received yesterday, as a result of what I shared with my primary caregiver. I almost didn’t even open my mouth and say anything…so much did I NOT want to hear what she would have to say in response.

The second night after coming home from the hospital I stubbed my toe. Yes, the ‘injured’ toe. The one the surgeon thought maybe the nerve had been damaged or died. Good news is, it isn’t dead. The pain of stubbing it against the foot of chair sent waves of excruciating pain through the entire left side of my body. It felt like it exploded out the top of my head.

And since then, my left arm, from elbow to hand has been in various stages of numb.

The best the Dr. can guess, the pain sent my blood pressure so high, it collapsed the shunt I had previously installed.

I fell down a flight of stairs once. I was sleep walking and tripped over the dog, who was sleeping on the stairs. My shoulder was injured. It was reconstructed twice. Resulting eventually in the artery collapsing in that area. It’s that shunt that is no longer functioning.

It is ‘urgent’, not ‘emergent’ this time, as in ‘emergency’…, that I return to surgery. This time the blood supply in my left arm has shut down. Nothing is turning blue or purple at the moment but…that condition is not far off.

I leave tomorrow. To go see the same Dr., that the last time I saw him, I didn’t come home right away. I won’t be coming home right away this time either. This is a Vascular Institute. They do massive numbers of these surgeries every day. If they ‘fit me in’ the schedule for Friday, then I probably won’t be back home until Monday.

And believe it or not, it’s at least 24 hours after coming home from the hospital that I turn on my computer.

But by the time I get home, I will be on the road to healing and fully functional. And what tickles me the most, is that this time, we have insurance. And it’s been the insurance company all the way, that has been giving the instructions for how I be treated. That adds another ‘miracle’ to my list. For there are and will be, no questions about coverage or in obtaining approvals or going through referrals.

How many ‘miracles’ is that so far popping out all over the place in my life?

Then there’s also something I sensed the last time I was there…

I’m doing ‘something’ there, at the Institute. People in my life have been in my life for quite some time. I say they’re ‘used to me’ but my husband even pops off at that, saying he’ll never get ‘used to me’. That being part of my charm (laughing).

I asked my son before he left to go back to college about it. I asked him, since he had one foot in the world ‘out there’ and, since it’s hard to see ourselves as others see us. I asked him to share with me, what ‘others’ are likely to think of me, if they’d never been around someone like me before.

He said ‘You’re weird Mom. Definitely weird.’

I frowned him into being a little more detailed then just ‘weird’. What’s that suppose to mean? It doesn’t sound very attractive. Then he went on to explain. ‘That’s just it. You’re lovable. You’re positive. You’re infectious. And you’re REAL. That’s what makes you weird.’

I might as well admit it, I have been keeping myself away from ‘the mainstream’. Interacting very little and in very limited ways when it comes to my actual physical presence. I don’t ‘get out much’.

These hospital visits are drawing me out. Talk about resistance, see what it is taking? And what I’m finding out is that ‘the mainstream’ is welcoming me and my ‘weird’ ways. I am being embraced with open arms. Times have changed. All my life I’ve been living in left field and now, left field has become the ‘in’ place to be.

What I’ve got to express is Inspiration and Hope and you know what? A hospital is a pretty good place for me to be starting. What I’ve recently discovered is the effect I have, when it comes to inspiring doctors and nurses to keep going. What I found was that none of the staff at this institute, had seen anyone who had recovered from the type of strokes I have had, much less be up and walking around, the day after the surgery I had undergone.

Yes, I feel an upset, a lack of balance and at peace with, having to go back again. I don’t feel like I’ve fully recovered from the last go round yet, but, I’m going. I’ll tell you the same thing I told my son this afternoon. Along with my upset, is the knowing that I will face everything when the time comes the way I’ve done all my life. There will come a rising within me. I can’t really describe what rises but it is a Power, a Strength, that will quite literally, rise from within my heart and carry me through all the way.

It’s Spirit. That I Know is with me. And this Knowing, is part of my crop that I am harvesting. And getting ready to plant new fields with.

Funny thing about it all, comical really, is that after going through all of the surgeries, my left arm and my left leg will never be made ‘right’.

Talk at ya’ later!

And oh….imagine flowers for me please. I like flowers, so send me some imaginary ones. I’ll enjoy them just as much as if someone sent some physical ones.

Love,

Sue Ann